The strategy: Standing up for yourself without without getting emotionally worked up. I have learnt since 2018 how to set boundaries with myself and the people in my own environment. There is a sense of self-confidence, authenticity that comes with it. It may be easier said than done, but reading the 5 steps can help you learning how you can set boundaries in your life. The Action Steps: 1. Define your boundaries You need to be clear about what you do not want. Define your boundaries based on past experiences and add new ones as they arise. Examples:
- I don't allow my employer to regularly make me work on weekends; - I don't allow others to undermine me; - I expect to be treated with respect; 2. Observe your emotions Learn to stand up for yourself without getting emotionally worked up. How? - Start by observing your emotions as they arise. Remember emotions are giving us information which we need to learn to manage. - Learn to stop letting negative emotions take over you and consume you. When there is a trigger moment, separate yourself from your emotion. - Learn to not react. You have a choice. Instead ask yourself: what is this emotion trying to tell me? 3. Communicate your boundaries Few tips on how communicating boundaries: - Be hard on the problem, soft on the person; - Be clear and direct about what you expect; - Be open to compromise while still maintaining your boundaries; Examples:
- When you...., I felt..... . - I have a personal rule where I only allow/don't allow.... . - If you keep doing ...., I will have to... . - I hope we can make this work and continue to.... . (the above template is to help you guide your approach) 4. Enforce your boundaries In life, we have always a choice. Change it. Leave it. Accept it. You tried to change the situation. Now you can either; Leave or Accept it. Try the framework above. It is better than staying angry and having your boundaries violated. And remember: your daily actions shape your identity. When you embrace this, your whole world can start to change. Change is possible. Trust me. That's all for this week. Much love, Paolo
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